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by a Taken In Hand reader on 2005 May 21 - 17:15 | reply to this comment
Pat, somehow you're missing the point
... having just finished dusting, cleaning, and vacuuming the bedroom and main hall, and taking a break before doing the living room... I just wanted to add: I am MOTIVATED, and pleased to "help out" -- to do whatever feels good to me, in order to lessen the burden on Mike. I would not be motivated by him saying: "we live in a pigsty!" I would be offended at both the creation of the pigsty, and the description (and implications) of my living conditions.

Do I just love vacuuming? No. Who does?! Do I feel like I'm a drudge, slaving away at vacuuming? No -- I feel like I am helping the man I adore, I am contributing to HIS success in taking care of me! It is not a burden on me, it is a way I can contribute to our lives. I happily and willing do this because it is to our benefit, not because it "has to be done and somebody's got to do it and damn it I guess that's me... grrrr."

Mike accurately describes the process of ... um... awakening me to reality as "taming a feral female." I (now) concur. I was a hostile bitchy feminist who resented men for not taking up the burden of cleaning their own houses (why did they get to just "help out," as if they had no responsibility for the house -- and then have to be shown how to sweep or where to find the dustrag!?) I managed to buy, care for, repair, and renovate my own house -- why shouldn't a man be AS responsible for "our" house?! Hence, my wariness at Mike's coaxing, my resistance at surrendering to him, my hostile defensiveness at perceived slights or assumptions... (It really was like taming a wild animal!!)

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